I'm Going to Shoot You

Shot video at a wedding last week because of a recommendation from my friend Fritz who was doing the photography. He sometimes sets up a sort of photo booth, where people at the wedding can have their picture taken doing whatever they feel like. I got a free one. Surly? Yes. Serious? Maybe a little.

A conundrum of sorts

Nearly two and a half years ago I completed my first (and only) feature-length documentary, "Bible Camp." It was almost entirely a solo project, and took up the better part of two years (and almost all my savings) of my life from conception to realization. The video was received well by the few who viewed it, but created a rift in my own heart: one part of myself wanted credit and to at least break even financially, and the other part just wanted the camp's story to be told and help bring new light to a great ministry. The latter has happened to a very small degree, and the former never happened. It's been something I've needed to move past for the last few years, but have never quite made it. I never recovered financially from the project, and every blue moon I let that get the best of me, much to my chagrin. It's not that I want it looming over me, but it comes up so infrequently that I rarely have to deal with it at all.

On top of those issues, the camp has changed in the years since I filmed it, though (debatably) perhaps not for the better. The current leadership has changed things so much that my family has almost entirely pulled out of the camp. It's a bit of a sore spot for many of us who have been involved for decades. Even a source of hurt and anger for some who have a vested interest in seeing the kids of the Koyukon learn of the grace and love of our Savior, even amid the despair and death of the village.

This morning I got an email from the current leadership saying they plan to make a documentary about village ministry, and would like access to the camp historical footage I shot. I have no idea what to do. I don't agree with where the camp is heading right now, but don't want to let my hang-ups get in the way of things. I'm so very confused as to what I should do.

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Like Being Punched in the Gut With Joy

Every so often I'll be sitting in a coffee shop, or driving in my car, or sitting outside and just get an overwhelming sense of just how blessed I am. It's so easy for me to become dissatisfied with anything and everything, so easy to put on my woe-is-me complex and glower in a pool of my own wretchedness. Sometimes I catch myself quickly with an oft-heard quip laced with sarcasm, American life is hard! Other times I don't catch it for an hour, or a day, or a week, growing increasingly sorry for myself. Were I to create a chart with self-pity over time on the x-axis, and stupidity on the y-axis, it would certainly grow exponentially upward for all eternity were it not for the additional variable of Jesus. I know with absolute certainty that without Him, I would be a perfect example of depravity, and my graph would permanently spike upwards. At times I am a vessel of self-pity, a tankard of inexplicable sorrow and loss until I am hit with that seemingly-random experience of true blessing. It's like being punched in the gut with joy. My life is amazing, and I always need to remember that. I get to play music for a living and increasingly abandon myself in worship of Him. I get to pursue my love of media and technology in relation to story-telling. I live in a city full of opportunity, full of the things I love (aside from sunshine in winter). I have family nearby, the cutest nephew in the world, parents who encourage and love me, and siblings I love dearly. And I have an amazing woman by my side who encourages and challenges me. Life is good, guys. Don't let me tell you otherwise.

Last Saturday our church held its first "Global Summit," a day of listening to speakers talk about various aspects of missions. My friend Kevin Nichols spearheaded the event, and brought in some really great and knowledgeable speakers to cover a variety of topics. It was an encouraging day, full of information and passion. I had the opportunity to lead a couple worship sets as well, which was pretty great. I feel privileged to have a creative missionary journey in the future, something that is mission-oriented, but geared toward my set of giftings and passions. Gosh He's creative in the way He orchestrates everything.

This last Sunday was pretty amazing too. I got to co-lead worship with my friend Michal. She is an incredible jazz singer, and has a great heart for worship. The set and band were awesome, a truly blessed time. On top of a great worship time, we got the privilege of having mission organization OM founder George Verwer speak. He is a dynamic, charismatic presence, simultaneously encouraging and challenging without making people feel unnecessarily guilty (something all too common among missionary speakers.) He's also hilarious, which I greatly appreciate, as certain speakers have a hard time keeping my attention. Check back here in the next couple days for a link to the sermon on The Well's website. I'll put the link up, but as it hasn't yet been posted (that's my job) it won't be up for a day or two. It's definitely worth listening to.

I have just begun talks with my future area leader for mainland Southeast Asia about how I can get started with CommNet projects within the next 6 months to a year. The gears are turning even while I'm here in Portland. Please pray with me that opportunities will arise to get a practical start to my work with Pioneers. I'm pretty excited to begin thinking along these lines.

I think that's about it for this post. I really need to update this thing more often, as many of you know. That is all.

Cheers.

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South Sister Video Album

South Sister Video Album from Dayn Arnold on Vimeo.

Like a photo album but with video clips!

This footage is from our trip up Oregon's third highest peak, 10,358 ft. South Sister. You gain approximately 5,000 feet over 6 miles, though the middle couple miles are pretty flat, so it's more like gaining 5,000 feet over 4 miles. Steep and exhausting. I brought the camera as an experiment, to see how much more of a pain the extra 7 pounds would be. With the camera, a little extra gear, and 4 liters of water, it was a pretty heavy pack for a day hike. My legs burned for 5 days after the hike. Major video discovery: it's hard to think about getting footage of moving up the trail because of exhaustion and irritation. Something to work on, for sure, as this video has almost no footage of us actually moving.

Enjoy.

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Scattered smattering of stories

I'm not sure what it is, but I think I missed the memo that the rules for public display of affection have been seriously altered, if not eliminated. It has been my understanding (hope) that facial caresses and scalp massages may be better suited for any place other than the table directly in front of mine. It's just a bit awkward, that's all. And completely irrelevant to the rest of this blog.

I realize it's been far too long since I last made a posting. I was reading my friend Jessi's blog today, and I concur with her sentiment that writing so often comes out of a complete lack of anything else to do. I enjoy it immensely, but can feel guilty if I have a half-dozen other things I should be doing instead. Plus, I'm so stinking wordy when I write, these things can take an hour or two to complete. I may not often talk your ear off in person, but put me in front of a keyboard and I'll write your eyes off. Figuratively, of course.

Five days ago, Mandi and I got back from our week-long trip to Michigan. We went to support her brother Taylor as he got married. The wedding went smoothly, and though I was not needed to help set anything up, I managed to stay busy, finishing two projects, and trying to arrange worship schedules and sets for the week I would be back. I got to experience several more rounds of Stonehouse-family grillings, wherein I am often asked questions of huge generalities, such as "What is your family like?" or "What do you do?" I think two major things are accomplished through these Q&A sessions: Mandi's extended family gets Gladiator-esque opportunity to give me the executive thumbs up or down, and I get to practice my social skills. I've been told that I'm passing these tests with flying colors, which is certainly a bonus. It was great to spend more time with Mandi's immediate family, I enjoy them thoroughly. We took a couple trips to Lake Michigan, and while I was in awe of the giant land-locked sea, I missed the power and majesty of my beloved Oregon coast. I know the water's freezing, but going in the water is not why I love the coast.

We returned from Michigan, and went straight back to regular life, hitting the ground running. We got in Wednesday night around 11:00, and I had a church staff meeting the next morning at 6am. Then worked on church stuff, went on a short hike with photog friend Fritz, finished putting the worship set together, met with two other people, had worship practice and went to Kennedy School for food, pipes, and a little more work. Friday evening Mandi and I headed to the coast near Tillamook to meet up with my parents for a little coastal camping. Daylan joined us the next morning, and we all went on a five-mile hike to an incredible viewpoint jutting out into the ocean. If there's something I really love, it's old-growth forests, seeing trees that are hundreds of years old thriving in a harsh environment. My dad and I both love nurse logs, the fallen trees that become the foundation for other trees and various other plant life. Occasionally a seed will plant itself in the stump of a fallen tree, grow to full-size around the stump, and the stump will rot out from beneath the new tree leaving a full-grown tree with a root structure that begins three or four feet above the ground. It's a beautiful picture of death providing nourishment for new life, like a certain savior whose death gave us life. (I want to get a tattoo of a nurse log and a sapling on my arm or leg as a constant (and perhaps more missionally-friendly than a cross in a closed country) reminder of this ultimate gift. The hike was stunning with cliff-side vistas of the ocean and beautiful old trees filtering the sunlight, harboring the perfect temperature for our entire hike. At the end of the trail, we were delayed for quite a while because some idiot decided it would be a good idea to climb over the side of the cliff to get closer to the water for some fishing. He got stuck, so when we got there, they were about to rappel down the cliff's edge to rescue the guy. My dad and I sort of helped pull the rope to get the guy and his rescuer up to the top, but mostly we just coiled the rope as the guys in front of us did the real work. (A pulley system with 5 to 1 ratio made our jobs pretty much worthless.) It was a bit more adventure than we were expecting, but fun to be around these volunteer firefighters saving a helpless idiot. They were a pretty cool bunch. Actually, made me wish I had the funding to make a short documentary about their lives in a small coastal village and the shenanigans they get to solve.

Today is the first day in a while I haven't had much pressing work, and wanted to spend a while writing on my nearly abandoned blog. I need to write more often, if only to get a bit more focus and stop only writing about how my week was. I'm shooting for more focus next time. Until then...

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Don't worry, I'll write a real blog in the near future

We climbed 10,350ft South Sister 4 days ago. My legs are still paying for it.

Sisters Timelapse from Dayn Arnold on Vimeo.

Lugged my EX1 up to the top of Oregon's 10,350ft South Sister. The mountains in the shot are Middle and North Sister. One frame per second, 24fps. Didn't have a tripod, so had to find suitable rockface to set it on. Right on the edge of the cliff, as it ended up. A little nerve-wracking, but nothing happened.

God had some interesting things up His enormous sleeves.

So I have some rather exciting news to tell everyone. Those of you on Facebook knew there was something coming up. If you're on Facebook, and you're not part of my Facebook Prayer group, click here and join.

So there was a reason my support raising has been slow. God had some interesting things up His enormous sleeves.

So God has been working on my heart in the last couple months. As I knew I was going to move back to Portland, I was looking forward to going back to my home church, The Well. I just love that church, and had been missing participating on the worship team. Actually, I had been looking forward to beginning to lead worship on Sundays, a return to a time in my life when leading worship had been one of my favorite things to do. Upon my return to Portland, I got involved in the worship team immediately, already enjoying myself immensely. A couple weeks into being back, I had a conversation with Travis, The Well's worship pastor. He has been working toward planting a church for the last year and a half, through Northwest Church Planters. They really put him and his wife Erin through the ringer to determine if they really should plant a church. They have been recommended to plant a church, and will begin that process in September. So I was talking to Travis about his upcoming shift into church planting mode, and how he would be reducing himself to 1/4 time at The Well. He wanted to know if I would be interested in coming alongside him for this year, and then take over altogether the following year.

I have some baggage when it comes to working at a church. In fact, I wrote about it in the posting below. So while I thought it might be fun to try regular worship leading again, I definitely needed to think and pray about it.

Mandi and I have been trying to pursue what it is that God would have us do with regard to our relationship and moving overseas. We had been trying to figure out what would get us to the field the fastest, though perhaps these courses of action weren't the wisest. The new proposal of leading worship at The Well would mean a delay in getting out to the field (something neither of us really wanted) but would give us time to make wise decisions and wise courses of action for the next steps in our lives. Leading at The Well would also give us a chance to become an integral part of the church, further solidify ourselves in our community and give us even greater support when we did leave for Thailand.

So I told Travis I wasn't willing to commit to anything at that time, but that I would certainly think and pray about it. After a week or two of thought and prayer, I was coming around to the idea. I arranged to meet Travis for lunch to further discuss all of this. When Mandi heard I was meeting Travis for lunch, she put two and two together (with astonishing speed, actually), and asked if they were going to offer me the worship leader position. I told her about the things Travis and I had discussed, and she got this huge grin on her face. While it would mean a delay in our getting to the field, it would provide certain elements to our future together that could be really fruitful. Mandi's excitement only further solidified what it was that God was doing in my heart. I met with Travis and told him I was very interested in the idea, and that Mandi had figured it out and was excited as well.

So Travis brought our discussions before the church elders, and in a short time I had arranged to meet with elder and missions pastor CJ. We talked for an hour about the ins and outs of my heart for worship ministry, and how this development could affect my future work with Pioneers. One thing I appreciated the most about our discussion was CJ's comment that he wanted to make sure that he was not responsible for keeping us from the mission field by pressuring me into this new role. After explaining the situation, that it would provide opportunity for growth and wisdom, he was fine with my take on things. We definitely talked about the way that it seemed God was orchestrating everything in His perfection, that His influence in the timing of my return to Portland and their desperation for a leader was not coincidental. CJ told me I would hear a more definitive word from the elders with the next couple weeks.

A week and a half later, I met with two more elders, Jeremiah and Eric, and they officially offered me the position. We had a great conversation, and I got even more excited that I would get to work with these guys on a regular basis. So, the official word is this: I will take over much of the worship responsibilities over the next year as Travis transitions out, and then take over entirely the following year. The game begins in September.

One more positive note, the compensation I will be receiving from my work at the church will more than make up for my meager financial needs each month, something I had been stressing about. I moved to Portland on faith, something I don't often do. I didn't have solid work lined up, something that makes me worry. But He had an awesome plan in the works, and I'm so glad He gave me the strength and patience to wait for His plan to play out. This is one of the few times in my life where I have nothing I can take credit for. So often, God will do something amazing, and I end up taking at least a little bit of credit for it. But this situation, I can't even entertain the idea that I had anything to do with it. He's just so good!

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How I Lost the Church

Back in 2000, I became a staff member at a church for the first time. I was to be in charge of a group of high-schoolers, the worship team for our church's youth group. I had been asked to help out in that area by one of the youth leaders I knew from my own high-school youth group experience. Things were a little rough at the beginning, but in a short time we were becoming a close-knit group, and a pretty good band of worshippers. At that time, I was meeting regularly with the youth leader, and with the church's worship pastor, both men I respected and enjoyed. The first year working in that environment was positive and encouraging, and the reaction from the general youth group populace was increasingly favorable. Some of these kids were having their first true worship experience on Wednesdays at youth group. God was doing some pretty great things in and through our group.

The next year was beginning, and the situation changed a bit. The church decided to hire an additional worship pastor, and required me to meet with him weekly as some sort of required discipleship. My impression of this guy was that he was the most fake person I had ever worked with, just one of those churchy über-positive guys that just don't exist outside of a church environment. In my 20-year-old wisdom, I decided I didn't like this guy at all. I had no respect for him, and therefore would, in some sort of a passive-aggressive temper-tantrum, make our meetings as difficult as possible. (Thanks God for wisdom and age, no?) I was unresponsive and generally dour as we met weekly and interacted as a part of our work week. There was not a single part of me that liked this guy, and not a single part of me willing to be even remotely civil to him. Today I'm willing to fess up to the fact that I was a royal pain in the backside to this guy. My problem was that I just could not believe he was being real with me. Everything in my brain told me he was just another church guy, just another one of those phony Christians. There was also some serious depression lurking around the corner of my life, which was just beginning to consume me for the next few years.

Early in 2002, after having been around this guy for eight or nine months, I was called into a surprise meeting with him. He basically laid it out that I had been inordinately difficult, and that even trying to work with me was a ludicrous affair. Then he dropped a bomb on me. His words were: "You bring death into the room." That phrase was permanently seared into my brain, words I will never forget. Hyperbole? I certainly hope so. True? At least partially.

I think the problem I now have with that meeting was that there was little or no attempt to understand my side of the issue. I was certainly being a baby about certain issues, but there were some underlying issues, even some early signs of depression, that were never addressed. One step back from the situation would have provided a few clues that I wasn't doing so well in life, and that perhaps an attempt at understanding rather than condemning would have been prudent.

After that fateful meeting, things really didn't improve, aside from trying desperately to pretend everything was okay, that everything was on the mend. Of course the issues were still there because nothing was dealt with. Condemnation was doled out, but there was no attempt at understanding, and certainly no compassion. So I continued working with the youth group worship team for the next few months. Playing and practicing with them was still the highlight of my week, despite the interpersonal difficulties lining the periphery of working at the church. In the spring I was asked to come to a meeting with all the head-honchos at the church. To their credit, they really are a bunch of Christ-loving guys, and I still highly respect them in many ways. They brought me into their meeting room to tell me that the money they had been paying me was needed elsewhere, and that they would be terminating my pay. Any idiot can see that they were trying to passively scoot me aside. Unfortunately I was not just any idiot. Honestly I didn't get what they were trying to do, and volunteered to continue working with the kids for free. Working with the kids was the most enjoyable thing I could possibly think of, and I enjoyed it immensely week to week. The kids in the youth group loved it, the kids in the worship team loved it, and I loved it even more than they did.

So I didn't get the hint, and kept working at the church for free. Another couple months went by, and there was another meeting with the same group of pastors from the church. I can still see the room, sterile white, blinds letting filtered light fall on the large conference table in the center of the room. They brought me into the room, and told me what they probably should have told me the first time: they needed someone else. The way they worded it, there was the impression that they really just wanted anyone else. I was informed that I would still be welcome to participate on the Sunday worship team, but that my relationship with the youth group worship team was over. There was no explanation as to why it was over, just that it was over. They let me know who would be taking my place: a guy with a great heart but who was totally unqualified for the job, which was a bit of a slap in the face. So I had to break the news to my worship team kids, and never showed up at youth group again. As I had not been given adequate explanation as to the full reason for my termination, I couldn't even fully explain to my kids why things ended like they did. At that point I disappeared from that church, and buried myself in layer upon layer of depression, eventually culminating in the darkest years of my life.

I don't write about this to just be dark and hopeless. This was a painful and pivotal moment that brought both understanding and wariness of The Church in subsequent years. But God, in His Grace, has brought me full circle, and has restored me to a state I had never before known. His body, The Church, can be a beautiful thing. Like the blind man who got Jesus' spit-balls in his eyes, my vision has been restored, and my hope renewed. He is good, even when it takes a downward spiral into the pit to understand it.

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Graceful Loser

I've now been living in my room for close to two weeks, for those of you waiting for an update and not getting one. It is a burnt orange color with gray and white. I should have included a picture for those of you not connected to me on Facebook, but I'm currently hiding from my great new room as the weather pushes 105 degrees, and my room gets even hotter than that with the sun streaming through the windows. So right now I'm sitting at my sister and brother-in-law's house, directly in front of their air conditioner, enjoying the sensation of cool comfort.

I've been working on a wedding video for friends Sam and Amanda who got married in Michigan, June 13. I think I'm more pleased with their video than I have been with any of my other wedding videos. I'll include a couple clips down below for your viewing enjoyment/critique. I'm finally able to slow down a bit and work on getting my website running with portfolio material. I need work badly, and have very little to work with these days. Some days are brimming with optimism, and other days are laced with pessimism, a sinking feeling that things just won't work. Overall, however, I really need to continue to understand that He's got it all in His control, and that my job is simply to be diligent with what he's given me. I also think I'm learning how to be a graceful loser. There have been times in my life when my handful of talents have afforded me a much greater level of success than I probably should have gotten. For instance, in highschool I could get away with practicing music very little, and still get top placements in bands and orchestras. It was an unrealistic way to learn about success and failure, and I think the last decade has been about learning how to be a graceful loser, as I've done quite a bit of losing. Let's hope I don't lose the lessons learned, no?

So yeah, please pray for jobs, people needing videography in the NorthWest. The leads I've had have fallen through, which is a bit discouraging, but there are other brides and grooms in the sea, so to speak. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Enjoy the video clips.

Cheers.

Sam and Amanda Just Married from Dayn Arnold on Vimeo.

This is a clip from Sam and Amanda's wedding in June of 2009. It's been a pleasure to work on this for them. Blessings all around.

Get Up Offa That Thing from Dayn Arnold on Vimeo.

It may have taken a short time for everybody to warm up to the dancing after the reception, but once they warmed up, it was a real party. Kudos to all the friends and fam of Sam and Amanda for cutting rugs with such fervor.

Sam is a Golf Pro from Dayn Arnold on Vimeo.

Day before the wedding, the boys went out for a round of golf. Sam is the man.

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Two weeks away from the blog

A hearty hello to everyone!

Missed another week. But with good reason.

A week and a bit ago I moved all my stuff to Portland, into my new digs. I spent the last week getting supplies (we seemed incredibly, and often frustratingly, unsuccessful getting what I wanted for a good price within certain time constraints), painting the walls, scraping, sanding, scraping, sanding, scraping, and sanding the abused wood floor in my room. The floor had something like 4 layers of paint (who in the heck paints over a beautiful wood floor!?!!!) which made for some real difficulties sanding/scraping. But, I'm proud to say that today I put the last coat of sealer on the floor, and in only one week I can move in! (Slight sarcasm, as I am pretty antsy to get moved in and start living somewhat normally. But beggars can't be choosers and I'm certainly grateful for the way God worked out this living situation. It's funny how we all can look God's gift horses in the mouth, so to speak.

So right now I'm sitting at Albina Press in N Portland, which may become my regular coffee shop as it's only 0.4 miles from my house, and has wonderful coffee. I'm glad to be able to take a step back and figure out where God has me right now. I know I haven't taken any steps backward in my life's journey, but often it seems like I'm taking a lot of steps to the side. I'm sure it's all for preparation for something else, and I'm looking forward to what that might be.

Please pray for patience as I wait another week to move in. Extra special thanks to Fritz and Shannon for putting up with me for a week, and now another week.