I'm Going to Shoot You

Shot video at a wedding last week because of a recommendation from my friend Fritz who was doing the photography. He sometimes sets up a sort of photo booth, where people at the wedding can have their picture taken doing whatever they feel like. I got a free one. Surly? Yes. Serious? Maybe a little.

A conundrum of sorts

Nearly two and a half years ago I completed my first (and only) feature-length documentary, "Bible Camp." It was almost entirely a solo project, and took up the better part of two years (and almost all my savings) of my life from conception to realization. The video was received well by the few who viewed it, but created a rift in my own heart: one part of myself wanted credit and to at least break even financially, and the other part just wanted the camp's story to be told and help bring new light to a great ministry. The latter has happened to a very small degree, and the former never happened. It's been something I've needed to move past for the last few years, but have never quite made it. I never recovered financially from the project, and every blue moon I let that get the best of me, much to my chagrin. It's not that I want it looming over me, but it comes up so infrequently that I rarely have to deal with it at all.

On top of those issues, the camp has changed in the years since I filmed it, though (debatably) perhaps not for the better. The current leadership has changed things so much that my family has almost entirely pulled out of the camp. It's a bit of a sore spot for many of us who have been involved for decades. Even a source of hurt and anger for some who have a vested interest in seeing the kids of the Koyukon learn of the grace and love of our Savior, even amid the despair and death of the village.

This morning I got an email from the current leadership saying they plan to make a documentary about village ministry, and would like access to the camp historical footage I shot. I have no idea what to do. I don't agree with where the camp is heading right now, but don't want to let my hang-ups get in the way of things. I'm so very confused as to what I should do.

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Like Being Punched in the Gut With Joy

Every so often I'll be sitting in a coffee shop, or driving in my car, or sitting outside and just get an overwhelming sense of just how blessed I am. It's so easy for me to become dissatisfied with anything and everything, so easy to put on my woe-is-me complex and glower in a pool of my own wretchedness. Sometimes I catch myself quickly with an oft-heard quip laced with sarcasm, American life is hard! Other times I don't catch it for an hour, or a day, or a week, growing increasingly sorry for myself. Were I to create a chart with self-pity over time on the x-axis, and stupidity on the y-axis, it would certainly grow exponentially upward for all eternity were it not for the additional variable of Jesus. I know with absolute certainty that without Him, I would be a perfect example of depravity, and my graph would permanently spike upwards. At times I am a vessel of self-pity, a tankard of inexplicable sorrow and loss until I am hit with that seemingly-random experience of true blessing. It's like being punched in the gut with joy. My life is amazing, and I always need to remember that. I get to play music for a living and increasingly abandon myself in worship of Him. I get to pursue my love of media and technology in relation to story-telling. I live in a city full of opportunity, full of the things I love (aside from sunshine in winter). I have family nearby, the cutest nephew in the world, parents who encourage and love me, and siblings I love dearly. And I have an amazing woman by my side who encourages and challenges me. Life is good, guys. Don't let me tell you otherwise.

Last Saturday our church held its first "Global Summit," a day of listening to speakers talk about various aspects of missions. My friend Kevin Nichols spearheaded the event, and brought in some really great and knowledgeable speakers to cover a variety of topics. It was an encouraging day, full of information and passion. I had the opportunity to lead a couple worship sets as well, which was pretty great. I feel privileged to have a creative missionary journey in the future, something that is mission-oriented, but geared toward my set of giftings and passions. Gosh He's creative in the way He orchestrates everything.

This last Sunday was pretty amazing too. I got to co-lead worship with my friend Michal. She is an incredible jazz singer, and has a great heart for worship. The set and band were awesome, a truly blessed time. On top of a great worship time, we got the privilege of having mission organization OM founder George Verwer speak. He is a dynamic, charismatic presence, simultaneously encouraging and challenging without making people feel unnecessarily guilty (something all too common among missionary speakers.) He's also hilarious, which I greatly appreciate, as certain speakers have a hard time keeping my attention. Check back here in the next couple days for a link to the sermon on The Well's website. I'll put the link up, but as it hasn't yet been posted (that's my job) it won't be up for a day or two. It's definitely worth listening to.

I have just begun talks with my future area leader for mainland Southeast Asia about how I can get started with CommNet projects within the next 6 months to a year. The gears are turning even while I'm here in Portland. Please pray with me that opportunities will arise to get a practical start to my work with Pioneers. I'm pretty excited to begin thinking along these lines.

I think that's about it for this post. I really need to update this thing more often, as many of you know. That is all.

Cheers.

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