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So I'm becoming increasingly convinced that certain people never learn to speak properly. And I'm not talking about parts of speech or grammar, or any of the usual things I complain about. I'm discovering that certain people never got beyond using some sort of weak falsetto. Unfortunately I've only observed this phenomenon in women, so this may seem fairly gender-biased, though that's hardly the point. Anyway, some women don't know how to use their voice.
I don't know if the problem is that some women discover they have a low voice and just try to bump it up a few notches, or if it's simply an inability to access the strong part of their voice, but I know of a few women whose voices are so piddly, it's a wonder they ever made it this far in life. So the specific person I'm thinking of is the art teacher at the school I work at. I try not to bask specific people in my blog, people who can be discovered by certain sleuthy-type people who happen to know all the right people, but I think I can make an exception this time. No real names, but if you work at my school you'll know who it is, though I can't imagine anyone from my school reading this... ANYWAY, to start, this woman has no classroom management skills. Threats may be made, but the kids know she's the furthest thing from threatening. Once a sickly kitten subbed for the class and held things together with greater ease and panache. The kids certainly don't respect her, and I think the number one problem is her lack of a voice.
For a moment, imagine my voice, which projects fairly well, and gives me some sort of initial credibility to those who don't know me. Now imagine me talking half as loudly, but in a mock-woman's voice, laden with frustration and apathy. The longer I keep this up, the more foolish I appear. Ugh. And on top of it all, every silly art project is given weeks to be finished, while the kids I work with finish each one in fifteen minutes, leaving the rest of the week nearly completely devoid of structure. Oh joy. And all because this poor lady never learned how to use her voice. Amazing.
4 comments:
bummer. you should talk like Will Ferrel for about two weeks and see what it does...."a little bit softer now, a little bit softer now...."
I have a friend (male) with a very deep, normal sounding voice. That is, until he sings worship songs in church.
Then it is this weird whisper-falsetto that floats at least an octave above the women.
Can he not hear that? Does he just accept it as his joyful noise and go with it?
Could his name be Aaron Neville?
A living onomatopoeist, eh?
Jannell may be on to something here for a cure. Next time the teacher is talking to you, gently say her voice is so loud and harsh that you have a hard time focusing on the words. Watch over the next few days as she tries to tone it down even more. It'll drive her to deep reflection, and she'll eventually break down and lash out, the classic voice over-correction maneuver. With a few more carefully planned comments to her, she'll continue on the pendulum until she gets it just right. At that point, your comments will miraculously cease. Later, she'll thank you. Much, much later.
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