Lessons learned, etc...

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So I started writing a blog about three weeks ago, and then the fit hit the shan, so to speak, and I got super busy all of a sudden. And then our internet at our house went out, and it won't be back up for another few days. I'm like a computer vulture right now, scavenging on other people's computers whenever I can, and when I can't, I fly up to 5,000 feet and make sweeping circles above what will soon be carrion. Heh, I wonder what carrion luggage would look like. Take a moment to pause like I am and quietly laugh to yourself about some dead animal being stuffed into an overhead bin while the huge line of impatient people behind me gripe about me blocking the aisle. Double-heh. But I digress... (Oh, and props to Denee and Steve for letting me borrow their computers, further planting seeds of dissatisfaction with my ginormous desktop and it's proliferation of jet-engines for fans. Sigh... Someday I will have my 17" Macbook Pro, and all will be right in the world.)

So I think recently I've been learning a thing or three about prayer and trust in God. As has been typical in the last 6 months, I'm thinking about showings of my film Bible Camp. I'm also thinking about the fact that every showing I've done has been an extreme disappointment. Some of you may disagree with that statement, and it is worded awfully strongly, but rather than retract the statement with a barrage of backspace, I'll just keep wordily spewing forth some sort of jilted stream of consciousness, which may or may not make sense in the end. (Oh big words, how I love thee...) And I'm back. Anyway, I've always hoped for some semblance of a sign of success with each showing of Bible Camp. My very largest showing was the very first time I got to show it to my friends in Anchorage in early July. I think there were a dozen or so people there. I showed it at my parents' house, and four people showed up. I showed it at my parents' church and I think 8 people showed up (mostly repeats from the house showing.) I showed it at Jason Reando's campus house at Multnomah, and 2 new people showed up. I talked about it and showed the trailer at my own church, and nobody showed up. I tried to show it at a large camp-supporting church in Gresham, and they wouldn't even host a showing. Basically every avenue I've tried has been a failure, in terms of number of people coming. So what have I taken away from this, aside from a unhealthy level of cynicism and sense of failure? Sometimes it's hard to say. But I'll try anyway.

So one thing I've learned through all this has been that I, like so many other people, have an innate tendency to gauge my success in terms of numbers. We all do it, I think. Bigger numbers show greater success. A graph that is taller than it is wide, shows that you're a winner. I completely understand that having that perspective is like trying to make teddy grahams out of a pile of horse dookey. It's just not realistic. I know that individuals have been greatly affected by this thing, which should make it all worthwhile. And sometimes my mood allows me to genuinely feel this way. But there is one other thing that I've really been learning, especially in lieu of my potentially-biggest showing ever: I don't pray about it.

Seriously, if there's one lesson I've learned throughout this project, it's that I can't do any of this on my own. AND YET I TRY SO HARD TO DO THAT VERY THING!!! Sorry for shouting, and all the exclamatory punctuation, but I'm kind of an idiot and I think everyone should know it. After analyzing every showing, I realized that I almost never prayed more than once for a lot of people to show up, or at least the right people. The only force anywhere that can affect whether people come or not, and I forget to place it before His enormous feet and say, "Here it is. Do with it what you will." So that's what I'm trying to do. I'm actually praying, and praying multiple times throughout the day, and not necessarily in some desperate state, but in genuine desire to communicate with God about something very important to me. It's so simple, and so good.

So I've been stressing about all the details of showing Bible Camp on the 28th in Anchorage, but have this underlying peace about it, a confidence that God's work will be done, and great things will come out of His faithfulness. It's so good! I want all you who are willing to do the same thing. Please pray for the 28th. I think significant and valuable things will come about because of it, which is a very exciting prospect. And if you're in Anchorage, please come. Bring everyone you can. It may not click with everyone, but the more people we have there, the greater chance we have of affecting someone for all eternity. So please pray, please come, and please give blood. And also forget that last one. I'm terribly excited, and I want to share it with y'all. Talk to you all soon, and in person!